Wednesday, February 24, 2010

here I sit

I'm dog sitting this week ,which I love. I love the quiet and house to myself for a couple days. I love that I can sit in front of the tv at night and watch what I want to watch. It's nice. It's ok to be selfish once in a while and enjoy being alone. Sometimes it's needed for sanity!

Yet, while I sit here I am annoyed. Annoyed at people. Annoyed at Syncope. Annoyed a doctors. Annoyed at the medical field. Annoyed at people who just can't figure it out.

Retraining the brain is NOT working, people. It's not. End of story. In fact my BIL is WORSE off than before all the meds and "retraining".

I'm annoyed at jumping at every noise I hear because I think he has fainted again. I can't tell you how many times I have flown down my stairs at night, jumped up from my computer, felt my heart in my stomach at the slightest noise.

I hate finding him on the ground. I hate that every time he faints, it gets harder to wake him up. I hate that my sister is home by herself. I hate what this all means for her. I HATE IT!

How is it that no one can figure this out? World renown doctors and nothing? Not acceptable.

I'm sorry; I'm just frustrated. My BIL is currently on his way to a hospital in Boston after being in the ER (where we live) tonight .

Yet, and hear me because I believe this, if I were to give up, if we were to give up, saying we can't do it, we'd be giving up on the Lord. We'd be telling Him He has given us too much. He promises to not give us more than we can handle. When we tell Him it's too much, we tell Him He went back on His Word.

So we choose to continue to follow the path the Lord has paved. I'll continue to be annoyed every now and then. At the end of the day, we still rejoice in God our Savior. But it's not always easy.


Katrina said...

It's not always easy. However, I still hope it becomes easier for all of you.

Praying for your family.

Arizona Mamma said...

It's highly inappropriate of me, but I want to say ..."under this weeping willow tree" as a way to finish off your title. You know the old song? If not, forget I said that.

What I really want to say is that I can't imagine your frustration. Especially the frustration of your sister and her husband. Pretty unreal.

Sarah said...

Oh Liz! I didn't know. You could have said something (although I REALLY appreciate that you came over).

Just this AM I was reading about God's omniscience - Ps. 139 - He has hedged us behind and before. He knows perfectly what is going to happen. Is that the right chapter? It was this AM. I may have forgotten.

Still praying.