I went hiking this morning with some friends, even though it's still pretty raw out. Definitely walked through some FOOT deep water! It's been raining for days around here. 1/2 the trails were covered. I, of course, could not bring my good camera on the hike, but I did get some good pics with my good point and shoot!
Just as the clock is in the "shadow" of these flowers, so is time in my life.
"Time" is one of my biggest distractions in life. Yep.
It keeps me from doing.
It keeps me from committing.
It keeps me from accomplishing.
It keeps me from sleep.
Time has always kept me from being present. My mind often travels to how much time I have left. How much more do I have to get done in the amount of time I will have? Will I make it on time?
Oftentimes, I will way overestimate my time. I get very stressed about arriving somewhere 2-3 minutes late to a commitment with a specific time. Traffic puts me over the edge because I know I will be late.
If I have to wake up particularly early for work, I will set 2 alarms to ensure I am up and ready to leave when I have to. I will wake up several times in the night, checking the clock, to see how much time I have left to sleep and make sure I didn't miss my TWO alarms (it has happened before).
If I'm hanging with a friend and having a great time, I will think about how much time we have left together before we have to part ways instead of just enjoying my time.
One year ago today I cried the most hysterical tears I have ever cried. My body has never convulsed so violently before.
There have been plenty of tears since that day for many other reasons, but none like that day.
I don't know what came over me. I knew what was coming. I was the strong one. I knew the signs for which to look. My presence was sought after because I was one of the only one's with a calm demeanor.
If you know what Greek families are like, you would understand. Very emotional. Very dramatic. Lots of yelling. Lots of tears.
I grew up with grandparents, but they were somewhat distant. I never knew either of my biological grandfathers. My mom's dad died while she was in college, and the only memory of my dad's dad is him on his death bed.
From the day I was born, I had "adopted" grandparents. They were the parents of my mom's best friend. YiaYia, my grandmother. Papou, my grandfather. They were at every school play, church program, many soccer and basketball games, graduations... Papou would take me out for breakfast every Saturday morning and then to buy a Barbie at K-mart when I was little. We went to parades, to watch the planes take off at the airport, grocery shopping, to the cemetery to water etc...
My grandmother says I was "the apple of his eye". My Papou....how I miss him. It doesn't seem like a year.
I can still hear him say "Hello my κούκλα αυτή" ("doll" in Greek)
People, I don't know if my butt has gotten bigger, or if I am actually able to do the moves the right way by now. But I can actually kick myself in the butt (at least a couple times) during the rockstar jumps on level 3 in The Shred!
I am SOOO proud of myself and my workout buddy, Hilary!! We only have ONE day left!! WOOZAH!!!!
Please excuse me while I go pat myself on the back.
Last night I sat across from a "newish" friend at dinner. We went out to eat and there were 6 of us in total. My newish friend and I rode together and we stayed so long, the two of us the closed the place. I honestly don't remember the last time I laughed so hard.
We went from 6 to 3 people after about 2 hours due to prior commitments. Once it was down to 3 of us, I literally went from hysterically laughing to tears pouring down my face from sadness. No joke. I have no idea how we went from one topic to another, but we did, and I can't get my mind off of it.
My friend was talking about a horrific tragedy that happened to her family. Horrific. Thankfully in the end it turned out okay, but the event that happened was beyond words. To this day her family and especially her daughter still are affected from the repercussions of what happened.
I had already known the story, but listening to her tell it really affected me.
If I put myself in her shoes, I wonder how I would have handled the situation. When struck with tragedy, would I cling to the Father or would I run in the opposite direction, denying Him.
I'd like to think I would never do the latter.
I'd like to think that.
I'd like to say I would wholeheartedly trust the Lord.
I'd like to say I wouldn't be angry with Him.
I'd like to tell you I would never forsake Him.
I'd like to tell you I would be as faithful to Him as He is to me.
But I can't.
I don't know what I would do. It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you I would trust. That would be easy, but tragedy is not easy. Tragedy is horrific. I think about my friend's story and I want to vomit just picturing it.
I don't know what I would do because I am a sinner.
But I do know one thing.
I have today. I have right now. I have the chance today to make the choice to cling to Him.
Today was one of those days where I had to juggle several things. Typically, this doesn't bother me, and I tend to bring it upon myself anyway.I agree to do this and that. However, usually, I volunteer to do this and that. Today was one of those days.
I homeschool the kids I nanny once a week. Today was homeschooling day. Being the animal lover that I am, I volunteered to take their dog to the vet (my dad) today because the dog was 6 months overdue for his yearly vaccines. Fine, no problem. We have the appointment. Kid (only had one of the 2 today) in tow. Dog had double ear infection. We get meds. We pay. We take a tour of the hospital for the (very hyper) kiddo to look around.
Then he wants to hit McDonalds because it's now noon. Great. Grab a to-go Boy Kids Meal and we are on the road back home, a 40 minute drive. At this point I have driven to work (40 minutes) back towards home for the vet (another 40 minutes) and headed back to the house (40 more minutes).
Back at the house. Now I have both kids. One grabs their rollerblades and the other his scooter. I leash the two dogs, grab my phone for emergencies, and we head to the park.
Once at the park my phone rings. I recognize it's a number from my state, but not one I know. I hit ignore. Two seconds later my dad calls me from his cell phone.
WHAT??!! I FORGOT TO PICK UP BEN!! I HAD IT ALL PLANNED OUT IN MY HEAD. After the appointment at the hospital I was going to pick him up from work and drop him off. I even thought about it this morning. YOU DUMB MORON!! HOW COULD YOU FORGET?! UGH!!!!!!!
My poor dad had to go get him and start his afternoon appointments late because I was 40 minutes away.
You see, I pride myself in being able to handle several things at a time. At the same token, I leave very little room for myself to mess up- no slack. I freely give it to others but not to myself. I'm not a mother or a wife. I have little reason to feel scattered or unable to remember things.
So while I am giving myself no slack, I am a little humbled today, knowing I can't do everything all the time. Even when I have it all planned out and perfectly set, I can easily hinder my plan by simply getting in my own way by trying to be too perfect or too "planned".
My bloggy friend, Jess, tagged me in a fun little game.
The game is I am supposed to talk type about where I want to be in 10 years. I'm also supposed to tag 10 other people...so if you are reading, consider yourself tagged. ;) I'm lazy like that.
So here we go....
I would like to be married to a hot, black, bald man. Taye Diggs would be perfect. He's not already married, right? We will have 2 of the most beautiful babies on the earth...because Taye is HOT, remember? (ohmygosh he is so cute!!!) We will be living in a nice, beautifully decorated house where the weather is perfect all the time.
Our children will say "Yes/no, Sir" and "Yes/no, Ma'am"
We will have an inground pool with a diving board, outdoor bar and grill, and hot tub.
I won't have to work and Taye will be retired. We will live on all the millions he made acting.
I will have learned to be a great cook and will be a lover of working out.
Taye will be teaching music lessons as a hobby, and he will fill our house with beautiful piano and guitar music.
Yes, that's where I want to be in 10 years.
Oh. I'm sorry. Was this supposed to be realistic??
We have totally dropped the doctors out here. They lied. They gave a ridiculous diagnosis. They only hear what they want. End of story. My BIL has been getting worse as the days go on and we are sick and tired of it!
That's it, folks! Nada. No more. No mas! Time to kiss Boston good-bye and head to the mid-west. My BIL has a friend out there who is a doctor. He has rallied a couple specialist who want to admit him under their care and figure this fainting CRAP ridiculousness out!!
He can't fly so as of this weekend my mom and he will be taking the train to the mid-west. My mom will stay for 2 weeks. If needed, I will travel out when she has to leave and I will stay for a week. We are hoping and praying this will lead us to a diagnosis and a plan for getting back to the life a normal 33 year old should be living-most importantly back with his wife!!
ok, so I admit it...I have watched The Bachelor all season. I confess. But VIENNA??!! Really?!?! Come on man. I haven't even watched it yet, but I read the spoiler weeks ago, but I didn't want to believe it.
Saw Avatar tonight at the Imax in 3D. GREAT movie!! Loved it!
My room is still a mess.
Dinner in the slow cooker was nasty tonight. Everyone else liked it.
Totally pumped for The Biggest Loser to be back on tomorrow night. I enjoyed the Olympics, but how much skiing can one really watch?
I need to take more pictures. I need more subjects. I am going to start a web site for my dad's business so that will give me some practice.