I like to be in control.
If I am traveling with others, I like to drive.
If I know where I am going, I don't like other people to tell me how to go.
If I am working on a team project for school, I like my idea to be used so I have a 100% understanding of the vision. I typically take the "team leader" roll.
If someone makes a decision for me (e.g. my sister telling me I am going to work out with her :) ) I have no problem saying " No, I'm not". Nicely, of course! :)
Do I sound like a control freak? :) I am actually very laid back and will gladly do things asked of me, but at the same time there are situations where I have to feel in control...especially when told I have to workout with Jillian M for an hour at 11pm...
The truth is, I am at a point in my life where I feel out of control. I am so glad to be done with undergrad- SO glad! But at the same time, there are so many unknowns to me. Grad school starts soon. I have to apply for a loan, I have to decide what to do about working. So much of me wants to know exactly what I am doing. I don't enjoy the times in life when everything is up in the air. Yes, I know I am going to grad school, what degree I am seeking, and where I will be attending school, but beyond that? Will I be able to find a perfect job? When will I find it? When do I start looking? I work now, but when is that not going to be enough? How much longer will I live where I am currently living? Really the questions in my mind are endless. I don't like change.
These are just some of my feelings about not being in control-merely scratching the surface. I guess part of it is wanting to be able to prepare myself mentally for what is coming.
When my fears get the best of me, I have to have a step back and remember the Lord IS in control. He knows what my future holds. He knows when I will finish school, what I'll be doing then, where I'll be living, etc. I have to trust in His control and not my own.
Tonight I am feeling out of control, but I am trying really hard to be okay with it!